pointless n helpless day !~

Last night, I hv been left by my roommate as she had to go home for the reason of family matters. I don’t mind to stay alone in my room n sleep all night long without anybody else in the room. After finish up everything, as usual I switch off the lamp n close the door. With my phone beside me, I turn the alarm at 6.30am. Suddenly, I have started to feel uneasy. It was 1am. Then, I decided to see Vin to calm my self. Once I reached there, I didn’t tell vin any single thing bout my feeling and act as usual. Then around 2am I went home n try to sleep. This time, I didn’t close my door room.

I didn’t realize at what time was it, but all of a sudden I couldn’t feel my left hand. Then I get back to sleep, but just in few minutes, I got stomach ache n I couldn’t sleep. Again, I was confused and it really hurts. Leaning back and out of blue I have fallen asleep. But, I felt something different and suddenly I woke up for the 3rd time n went to the guest room. The feeling is like someone has woken me up. At that time, I have no idea why the hell I was there. It was 3.40am. This time, I try not to bother at all n get back to sleep.
*****

In the afternoon, kak yana came n visited me and that’s it! It has something to do with paranormal! Half of my soul has been taken away. I got fever at that morning but alhmadulillah, it didn’t affect my daily activity.

I got class around 2.30pm n we had a sudden test. I got a text from my aunt saying that she’s rushing. I got something to pass on to her. With half of me has gone, rush hour and no preparation at all, I kept writing the answer n submitted without checking. While I was filling the answer, the lecturer came near me n asked if I’m ok or not. I’m not sure if he noticed anything different in me. Do I look pale? He then gave me sweets to overcome the “different-in-me”. I was the 1st student that hand in the paper. The lecturer keeps asking me y am I so in rush.
I then went to see my aunt. I was late! Hand over everything that I should. Then, I went back to hostel with fatigued appearance. After performing asar prayer, again I was rushing for the next class where punctuality is no 1.

On my way to the class, I was bumped into my lecturer. He was locking his door room but suddenly, when he saw me, I was invited to get into his room. We have had 10mins-conversation n just a kind of counseling session perhaps. Only God knows how I feel at that time, it sucks!
In the next class, I was being a lethargic n almost everyone can see it. Not enough with that, I have been told by nana bout something to do with my personal life. I just don’t know what to do n let the time ticking away. We both need our own space.

*****
After having dinner with my babes, I spent time with my housemates to look for groceries n it cost almost rm75. I don’t know wat the hell r we buying but it was fun to expend money for food (FOOD EXPENSION)

Before going home, I went to see kak yana as she has made “AIR YASSIN” for me. Thank you kak yana! I really need support, feel like part of me is nowhere.
I’m going back home n my housemates are ready to cook. We did enjoy cooking n laughing together. We ate at 1am, sounds crazy but It was a satisfaction. For what had happened to me all day long, at least they reduced the tense in me. I love them so strong..!!~

Am I being Judgmental?

To feel what others feel and to have deep understanding on why people doing this OR to judge and give punishment with a condemnation, to make people feel bad about themselves with an intention to tear them down but not to build them up? Which one I hv done?
I face different thing and different people everyday which I don’t realize it changes time by time. But I’m grateful to what I have now. I’m happy with my life, my family, my condition, people around me and most important I know I’m on the right track. Basically, everything is there for me. All I need to make sure is my presence in their life. HEYY! I’M RIGHT THERE WHERE YOU ARE!

People said, keep the old friends, one is silver and the other is gold.

I try to be myself, showing the true color of me but again, of course I don’t know my weaknesses. Am I being judgmental each time I acknowledged something new especially when it comes to bad rumors? (not bad romance)

I listen n I think. Then think again n swallow… but depends on the situation perhaps. I don’t get my exact expression actually, but THEY can interpret the ‘appearance’ of me. Maybe I was amused and the look of me makes them feel like I’m judging..ermm..is that so? Ok2, how about my attitude towards the situation or the way I adapt that circumstance? Or, my spontaneous reaction like replying what I’m not supposed to say..? alright, I don’t know.

I’m easy to get closer with anybody especially when we have a lot in commons. If they perform well in front of me, good to see that. What if they are just pretending decent because they get embarrassed to show who really they are? Or maybe they are afraid to tell me their secret-thing after knowing me. Once I know the ‘who-really-they-are’, am I started judging?? Did I condemning or backstabbing them? What I’hv done? Did I just kicked their ass? Pulling their ears n telling them what they should n shouldn’t do? Yelling at them, “Stupid! You freak me out!!”? did I?

Ohh..I left the others n be friend with someone else. Not listen to THEM as THEY keep reminds me, “don’t go ahead, she will let you down”..(tell me who’s being judgmental now)
I don’t listen. Whoever I want to be with, it doesn’t matter if ‘the-whoever’ is using me for their own sake or what. I never think in that way, so..let it be. People is everywhere n this is my choice..

That was real me.. should I be someone else or change my behavior n listen to everyone around me..? is that good and appropriate for oneself to refer anything to their parents? Is that wrong? Or maybe if I did so, people might say I don’t know how to decide on my own..everything is done by my family n they feel like I don’t know how to be independent n always depend on my parents.

Now, tell me. If I didn’t ask my parents guide, who should I look for? What if we don’t bother about this and keep doing it in our own way? I tell you, this is what gonna happen.
1st. U don’t get the bless from HIM, n yr parents.
2nd. U will make mistakes again n again
3rd. U wont feel the calmness

Each of us has different mentality n I admit this is me whom always inquire my parent’s attention and guidance. Look at me, this is the product.. I’m strongly saying here, I’m not being judgemental. I believe life is a boomerang effect, when we give others a spirit of judgmental, the spirit of judgemental will come back to us. Correct me if I’m wrong. I’m an ordinary human being who is still learning what’s right n what’s wrong. Absolutely, I’m not perfect either. But at least, I know where I’m stand.. MY FAMILY IS EVERYTHING FOR ME. we are always stick together. We r not d Cullen or Bun family either.. but, no matter what. . I’M ALWAYS WITH THEM N THEY ALWAYS BE BY MY SIDE. .




Footnote: don’t judge the book by its cover.

My mom asked my elder brother to keep his room clean.
My brother reply: don’t judge the room by its owner..

Heyy,.2nd year, 1st semester! Welcome to my life.. I’m both nervous n excited!

There were countless reason to say no, but even when they found something that struck their fancy and made them want to say yes, it was often just as ridiculous..

“look,” I exclaimed to my self, “ground floor again?!” such a BIG question mark (be grateful please)

1^st of all, the 1^st thing I consider most is my housemates n roommate! Well, in the 1^st week, only 4 people including me in the house but now, 1 happy family at home..3 of them are senior and the rest are junior. I could say, they are pretty cool and friendly, I used to have a pillow talk with my roommate but not every night as I sleep early. There’s 1 night when she told me a story of her friend, I was fallen asleep! Sorrry kak jan! teett!! Well, my roommate is quite childish and we can have any topic to talk about..she’s informative..

Next room to mine is kak linda n pika. They are both sweet. Kak linda told me a lot bout her family, past life and many more. Perhaps she loves to share and I love to hear. Pika always with her friends but she is the most likely to tease me. She’s good at joking and fooling around. Yeay!

In the second week, then only kak ton and sher came in to the house. In my observation, they are totally different. Kak ton seems serious but at the same time she could be the most happy-go-lucky person. She always do her work practically and tidily. AND! She sleeps early! Whoa! Sher is from Sabah, cute and independent-type girl. Very very friendly. Really-really. Nice to know all of them, everybody have different distinguished..

Ohh, I’m having 7 subjects altogether for this semester. Secretly, I can’t wait for speech n comm.! Lecturer, please fill me in!! BLINK! Most of the lecturers are new to me, they are gorgeous, smart n fresh! Whoa! Again, we gonna produce noisy and annoying sounds in phonetic class! I love echo! Just like when people call my name, “ika..ika..ika..ika..ika..where r u..where r u..r u..r u..!! teettt!! Hahahah!!

Somehow, I could smell something different in my daily life in campus, not as usual anymore. People around, coming and going, some of them are not with me anymore having their new life but all the d memories are still fresh in my mind, some of them are just keep silence without any news, one of them has leaving n I miss her much, some are just I don’t know where are they..n several of them are in front of me but they are likely to be anonymous? ? n 1 of them is still approaching but still pending and I’m everywhere in the society using the same language, but different prospect and outlook..anyhow, those people enlighten my days.. I don’t care who u are, where u’r from but I care what u did..ooppss!

See..! I care what people did! Am I being judgemental?

Footnote: Am I being judgemental? will be d next post!